How to Boost Your Confidence and Overcome Insecurity When Singing

When I welcome a new student into my vocal studio, one of the most common requests is for help in building confidence when singing. This desire to overcome insecurity and find assurance in one's voice is something many aspiring singers share. In this blog post, we'll explore the roots of these insecurities and provide effective strategies to boost your confidence, allowing you to sing with greater joy and self-assurance. Whether you're a beginner or an experienced performer, these tips will help you unlock your true vocal potential and enhance your overall confidence. This article is divided into three parts: learning to embrace and like your own voice, overcoming nervousness on stage, and embracing the journey with the right support.

Part 1. Embracing Your Unique Voice

Everyone Feels Insecure Sometimes

The first step to overcoming insecurity when singing is recognizing that it's a common feeling everyone experiences. Even those who appear most confident often grapple with their own insecurities. In my class, a majority of students express a desire to feel more confident, regardless of their current singing abilities. Recognizing that you're not alone in this struggle is the foundation for building the self-assurance needed to sing with confidence and joy.

Insecurity can manifest in various ways when it comes to singing. You might worry about hitting the right notes, sounding good enough, or even feeling judged by others. These feelings are completely normal and shared by singers at all levels. Some of the most famous and accomplished singers have openly discussed their battles with stage fright and self-doubt. Understanding that these experiences are universal can help you feel more at ease and less isolated.

I, too, have struggled with these insecurities. There were times when I doubted my abilities and felt really bad about my vocal abilities and couldn't even listen to myself sing. However, over time, it got better. By consistently practicing, seeking supportive feedback, and gradually exposing myself to performance situations, I started to build my confidence. It’s a journey, and each step you take helps you become more comfortable with sharing your voice. Remember, you're not alone in this, and every singer goes through similar challenges.

Don’t Compare Yourself to Others

Comparing yourself to others is a trap that many people, including myself, fall into. It's easy to feel envious of someone else's singing and forget about the skills you already have. But remember, you are unique, and that's something wonderful. No one will sound exactly like you.

I used to compare myself a lot to other singers. I would watch them perform effortlessly, hitting notes I struggled with, and feel like I wasn’t good enough because I couldn’t do what they did. This constant comparison made me overlook my unique strengths and talents.

What I failed to recognize was that while I might not be able to replicate their exact skills, I have my own set of abilities that they might not possess. Every singer has their own unique voice and style, and that’s what makes music so diverse and beautiful. Instead of focusing on what I lacked, I needed to appreciate what I brought to the table.

When you compare yourself to others, you often only see their strengths and your own weaknesses. This can make you feel discouraged and less confident in your abilities. Instead of focusing on others, pay attention to your own progress. Celebrate the improvements you make, no matter how small they seem.

It’s important to remember that everyone has their own journey. Some people might progress faster, while others take more time. This doesn’t mean you’re any less talented or capable. Your unique voice and style are what make you special. Embrace that uniqueness. By focusing on your own growth and celebrating your own achievements, you’ll build confidence and find greater joy in your singing journey.

Imposter Syndrome is Real

Impostor syndrome is when people feel like they aren't as good as others think they are and worry about being exposed as a "fraud," even though they are actually quite capable. This often happens alongside something called the Dunning-Kruger effect, which is when people who aren’t very good at something think they are much better than they really are, while people who are really good at something often underestimate their abilities. This creates an interesting contrast: those with impostor syndrome have the skills but doubt themselves because they know how much they don’t know. On the other hand, people influenced by the Dunning-Kruger effect don’t see their own shortcomings and feel overly confident. Understanding these patterns can help you overcome self-doubt and gain true confidence in your abilities.

In my experience, the Dunning-Kruger effect has been a real rollercoaster. I’ve had moments of being overly confident, thinking I had mastered certain skills, only to later realize how much more I had to learn. Conversely, there were times when I felt really bad about my abilities, convinced I wasn't good enough. This back-and-forth only started to stabilize when I began teaching. Watching my students grow and improve highlighted my own progress. Teaching allowed me to see the value in my own skills and knowledge, and it reminded me that everyone has their unique strengths and weaknesses.

Practice Makes Perfect

If you're not happy with your singing, remember that you can get a lot better by practicing regularly and taking singing lessons. Over time, you'll notice that your voice becomes more consistent. When you first start learning to sing, you might have days where you struggle to find your best sound and feel unsure about your technique. But with regular practice, your technique will become like second nature, and you’ll be able to rely on it even on tough days.

Consistent practice is key to developing any skill, and singing is no exception. I often compare learning to sing to learning to play an instrument. Just as a pianist needs to practice scales and pieces repeatedly, a singer needs to work on vocal exercises and songs regularly. This not only helps in improving vocal technique but also builds muscle memory, making it easier to produce a reliable sound even under pressure.

You Hear Yourself Differently Than Reality

When you hear a recording of your voice, it often sounds different from what you expect. This is because, when you speak, your inner ear distorts the sound. You hear your voice both through the air and through vibrations in your skull, which makes it sound deeper and richer to you. When you listen to a recording, you’re only hearing your voice through the air, which can make it sound higher and thinner.

Because of this, you might feel uncomfortable and think, “Is that how I really sound?” This reaction is normal because you’re not used to hearing your voice the way others do.

I used to hate listening to recordings of my own voice because it sounded so different from what I heard in my head. Over time, I got used to it by recording myself regularly and began to appreciate my unique sound.

Other people hear your voice differently than you do. Some of my students are amazing singers but still feel unhappy when they listen to recordings of themselves. The good news is that the more you record and listen to yourself, the more you’ll get used to your voice and start feeling better about it.

Progress is Not Linear

Improving your singing technique sometimes means unlearning old habits. Getting used to a new technique can take time and might feel difficult at first. In the beginning, it might even seem like your singing is getting worse. But trust the process and keep practicing. Over time, the new technique will become natural, and you’ll sing better than ever.

One of my teachers compared vocal progress to the stock market. Even if you don’t know much about stocks, the idea is that you shouldn’t worry about bad days. Instead, look at your progress over the past six months. You should be able to see improvement compared to where you were six months ago. This mindset helped me stay motivated during tough times.

Embracing Setbacks

Setbacks are a natural part of the learning process and should be embraced as opportunities for growth rather than viewed as failures. Whenever I'm learning a new technique, I sometimes sound worse for a period of time. However, I have now embraced the journey, understanding that this temporary dip is a necessary step towards improvement. When I master the new technique, I know I'll sound better than my starting point. When you encounter a difficult phase, remind yourself that it is temporary. Reflect on how far you’ve come and trust that persistence will pay off. If you’re taking singing lessons, choose a teacher who understands this and supports you through your mistakes rather than pressuring you.

Patience and Perseverance

Cultivating patience is essential when learning to sing. Vocal progress can be slow and requires consistent effort. Understand that every singer’s journey is unique. Some may experience rapid improvements, while others may take longer to see significant changes. What matters is your dedication and willingness to keep going, even when progress seems slow. Remember, in learning to sing, slow and steady wins the race.

Image by @rebusas

Part 2. Overcoming Stage Nervousness

Your Audience is There to Support You

When you’re nervous about performing, remember that most people are supportive and are there to cheer you on. They usually don’t even notice the tiny mistakes you make. Even if something major happens, which happens to the best of us, people will be understanding and will continue to support you. After all, we’re all human.

I recently went to an open mic event where, out of nervousness, some performers forgot the lyrics to their songs. Nobody judged them; in fact, the audience was very understanding and thought the performers were very brave. This experience shows that audiences appreciate the courage it takes to perform and are often empathetic to the challenges faced by those on stage.

Take a deep breath and focus on enjoying the performance. Remember why you love singing and let that passion shine through. The audience is on your side, and they want to see you succeed. With each performance, your confidence will grow, and you’ll become more comfortable on stage.

People Are Often Less Focused on You Than You’d Assume

Think about all the nerve-wracking moments you've experienced during your singing performances, the times when you felt your voice crack or forgot the lyrics. Now, reflect on similar situations from your friends' performances. You might find it difficult to recall many of their mistakes compared to your own.

Consider also the performances of random strangers you've witnessed. How many embarrassing moments can you actually remember? It's likely very few.

The truth is, when you're on stage singing, it's easy to believe that every small imperfection is magnified and noticed by everyone in the audience. This feeling is often amplified by what psychologists call the "spotlight effect"—the belief that others are paying more attention to us than they actually are. In reality, most people in the audience are focused on enjoying the performance and are not scrutinizing every detail of your singing.

People are generally more preoccupied with their own thoughts, emotions, and experiences. They may not even notice minor mistakes or imperfections in your performance. Even if they do, they are usually quick to move on and appreciate the overall experience rather than dwelling on small errors.

The next time you feel anxious about a past or upcoming singing performance, remember that your audience is not as focused on your performance as you might think. Embrace the moment, enjoy your passion for singing, and trust that your audience is rooting for your success. Allow yourself the freedom to make mistakes and learn from them, knowing that they are part of your journey toward becoming a more confident performer.

You Don’t Need to Be a Good Singer to Touch People’s Hearts

Listen to this version of "Hurt" by Johnny Cash. By this time, Johnny Cash was struggling with his health, and his voice wasn't what it used to be. But holy smokes, this version gives me goosebumps. It's so raw and emotional that the vocals don’t matter anymore. The feeling in his performance goes straight to the heart.

If you have a story to tell through music, please share it with the world. Don’t wait until you feel like you’re a good enough singer. Your voice doesn’t need to be perfect; what matters is the emotion and honesty you put into your performance. If your message is heartfelt, people will feel it, no matter what. Music connects us on a deep level, and your story deserves to be heard. So go ahead, tell your story through your music, and let the world feel your truth.

Be Prepared Before Going on Stage

Stepping onto the stage can be daunting, but thorough preparation can make all the difference. By dedicating time to practice and perfect your songs, you solidify your skills and reduce anxiety. Familiarize yourself with the setlist, understand the emotional nuances of each piece, and rehearse consistently. Also, simulate performance conditions during practice, including using a microphone and performing in front of friends or family. This will help you adjust to the pressure of an audience. The more prepared you are, the more you can focus on expressing yourself and connecting with your audience. Knowing you are well-prepared allows you to enjoy the experience and perform your best.

Vocal Warm-ups and Breath Control

Vocal warm-ups and breath control are crucial for any singer, especially when dealing with pre-performance nerves. Warming up your voice with exercises like sirens, lip trills, and scales helps relax and stretch the vocal cords, ensuring they are flexible and ready for clear, resonant tones. Simultaneously, practicing breath control through exercises such as sustained hissing or controlled exhalations strengthens your breath support and regulates airflow. These techniques not only enhance vocal stamina but also instill confidence, allowing you to maintain a steady rhythm and deliver an optimal performance.

Relax Before Going on Stage

Preparation is key, but paradoxically, over-preparation can sometimes heighten your nerves. Instead of constantly recapping your lyrics before stepping on stage, try engaging in activities that calm you. For some, this might mean doing breathing exercises; for others, it might involve something unconventional. Personally, I find listening to Death Metal strangely soothing before a performance. The key is to discover what works best for you and embrace it, even if it seems out of the ordinary.

Practice Singing While Doing Cardio

One effective way to manage nervousness on stage is to get accustomed to performing under physical stress, much like during cardiovascular exercises. Engaging in activities such as running or brisk walking conditions your body to function efficiently with an increased heart rate and faster breathing. Similarly, singing in front of an audience can trigger a comparable physical response—increased heart rate, butterflies in the stomach, and shallow breathing.

By incorporating cardio exercises into your routine while singing, you can train your body to handle these stress responses better, allowing you to perform effectively even under nervous conditions on stage. This practice not only prepares you for live performances but also offers an interesting opportunity to explore how changes in breath and physical state impact your singing. Even if you’re not planning to perform, experimenting with cardio while singing can provide valuable insights into your vocal capabilities.

Keep on Putting Yourself Out There

If you’re nervous about performing, start small and gradually build up your confidence. You could visit a karaoke bar in a foreign city or country where no one knows you. It might help because you won’t see these people again. Karaoke is usually low pressure since it doesn’t matter if you’re a great singer; the main thing is to have fun. Once you feel more comfortable, try local open mic events. These are great for socializing, and people are usually very supportive. Eventually, you might be ready to organize your own big live performances. Keep taking these steps, and you’ll get used to performing over time.

Sing With Others

If singing solo feels daunting, joining a choir can be a wonderful alternative. In a choir setting, your voice blends harmoniously with others, creating a supportive and enriching musical experience. Singing in a group not only eases the pressure of performing alone but also fosters a sense of fellowship and shared accomplishment. It allows you to focus on contributing to the collective sound rather than being in the spotlight individually. Choirs offer a nurturing environment where singers of all levels can develop their skills, gain confidence, and enjoy the beauty of music together.

Join A Band

Joining a band can be a great way to calm your nerves and boost your confidence. I remember my first audition; I was incredibly nervous! However, as we started rehearsing together, my comfort level increased. In a band, everyone collaborates to create great music, so there's less pressure to perform perfectly on your own. The support from my bandmates was instrumental in building my self-assurance. Being in a band not only improved my musical skills but also boosted my self-belief.

Part. 3 Embracing the Journey and Finding Support

How to Overcome a Negative Surrounding

Dealing with negative people can be challenging, but maintaining a positive mindset is crucial for personal growth and well-being. The first step in overcoming a negative environment is to identify the individuals who bring you down. While it’s not always possible to completely avoid negative people, you can limit your interactions with them. Prioritize spending time with supportive individuals who encourage and uplift you, as surrounding yourself with positivity can significantly impact your mental and emotional state.

Staying focused on your goals and achievements is essential. Keep your eyes on your objectives to remain resilient in the face of negativity. Regularly remind yourself of your progress and celebrate even the small victories, as these can boost your morale and reinforce your commitment to your goals.

Negative people often propagate limiting beliefs such as, “It’s pointless to practice singing; you either have talent or you don’t.” Recognize that these statements are not true. With consistent practice and dedication, you can achieve more than sheer talent alone can provide. Rejecting these negative beliefs helps build a stronger, more positive self-image.

Embrace your journey without feeling the need to justify yourself to negative people. You don’t owe anyone an explanation for pursuing your passions. Their skepticism is a reflection of their limitations, not yours. You have the right to follow your dreams and make choices that align with your values and aspirations, free from the need to explain yourself to those who don’t support you.

People Like Different Things and That’s Okay

Whitney Houston is known as “The Voice.” She is probably one of the best singers to have ever walked this earth. I personally really adore her singing, but I have friends who really dislike her voice, beyond my comprehension. The reality is, no matter how good you are, some people just won’t like your voice and that’s okay. We all have different personal tastes, which is great because otherwise our world would be quite bland.

Whenever I get criticized for my singing, I keep this in the back of my head. You can’t please everyone, and you don’t need to. Trying to please everyone is an impossible task that will leave you feeling drained and unhappy. It’s important to focus on what makes you happy and to sing for yourself and those who appreciate your unique voice.

Using "The Music Industry is Hard" to Justify Bullying

Some people, often those in higher ranks, will be overly critical and use “The music industry is a tough place” as an excuse to bully you. This behavior is abusive, and you don’t have to tolerate it.

Especially when you’re young, it’s tempting to seize every opportunity, thinking it’s your only chance. However, it’s crucial to know your worth, understand your values, and establish boundaries. Your mental health is far too important to sacrifice for toxic individuals. Remember, other opportunities will come your way. Writing down your values and boundaries in advance can serve as a helpful reminder of your self-worth.

For a vivid example of how authority figures can pressure their students and the consequences of such a toxic culture, watch the movie Whiplash.

Misreading People's Reactions

We often misinterpret people's reactions, leading to unnecessary stress and misunderstandings. This misjudgment can stem from our own insecurities and biases, causing us to see disapproval or indifference where there is none. For example, a neutral or thoughtful expression might be mistaken for disinterest or judgment. It's important to remember that everyone has their own internal dialogues and emotional states, which may not reflect their feelings towards us. By becoming more aware of this tendency and seeking clarification when in doubt, we can foster healthier and more accurate perceptions of others' reactions, ultimately leading to better communication and relationships.

In middle school, I faced a tough moment when my classmates laughed at my singing performance. I was performing classical music, and despite knowing I was a competent singer based on my strong grades, their reaction was disheartening. Reflecting on this, I can think of several possible reasons for their laughter:

I might have caught them by surprise because my speaking voice is very low, while I sang in a soprano range.
They could simply be jerks, and their reaction had nothing to do with my performance.
They might think classical music is for nerds.
Perhaps I looked a bit funny and didn't know it.
They might not have been familiar with classical music and thus found it strange or amusing.
They could have been nervous themselves and laughed as a coping mechanism.
They might have been trying to fit in with others who were also laughing.
They may have misunderstood the genre, expecting something more contemporary.
They might have had preconceived notions about me and reacted based on those biases.
They could have been projecting their own insecurities about performing onto me.

Understanding these potential reasons helped me realize that their laughter could be more about their perceptions and less about my actual performance.

The reality is, we may never know why people react a certain way. Sometimes their reaction has nothing to do with you, but with what they are going through. It's essential to give others the benefit of the doubt and not let misinterpreted reactions affect our self-esteem or deter us from our goals. By focusing on our own growth and understanding, we can navigate social interactions with more empathy and resilience.

Some People Will Talk Down to You, No Matter What

Some people are just bullies. They likely struggle with their own issues and lack the emotional maturity to reflect on themselves, so they put others down to feel better about themselves. Their negative behavior often stems from deep-seated insecurities, unresolved personal conflicts, or feelings of inadequacy. By belittling others, they temporarily boost their fragile egos and deflect attention from their own shortcomings. This toxic pattern is not about you—it's a manifestation of their internal battles and a way for them to exert control over their environment.

Unfortunately, individuals like this will always exist. Their need to demean others can be relentless, stemming from a deep-rooted fear of being exposed or overshadowed. They thrive on the discomfort and self-doubt they cause in others, as it momentarily alleviates their own feelings of inferiority. Recognizing this can help you see through their façade and understand that their words are more about their own failings than any true reflection of you. While it’s challenging to deal with such negativity, it’s crucial not to let it affect your self-worth or derail your path.

Don’t hand over your power to them by internalizing their negativity. Stay true to yourself and keep moving forward with confidence. Focus on your goals and let your actions and accomplishments speak for themselves. Prove them wrong by demonstrating resilience and strength, showing that their attempts to diminish you are futile. Your success and happiness are the ultimate rebuttal to their negativity.

You are Not Alone

Know that even the greatest singers suffer from insecurity and nervousness, even when they don’t show it. Every performer, no matter how experienced, has faced moments of self-doubt and anxiety. These feelings are a natural part of the artistic journey and do not diminish your talent or potential. Understanding that you share this experience with many others can be incredibly comforting.

When you feel overwhelmed by nerves or insecurity, remind yourself that these emotions are normal and valid. Embrace your feelings instead of trying to suppress them. By acknowledging your insecurities, you take the first step toward overcoming them. Talking about your fears with fellow singers, friends, or mentors can also provide reassurance and perspective. Often, you’ll find that others have gone through similar experiences and can offer valuable advice and support.

Remember, vulnerability is a part of being human, and it can even enhance your connection with your audience. People appreciate authenticity, and when you allow your true self to shine through, you create a more powerful and relatable performance. Take comfort in the fact that you are not alone in your struggles and that, with time and practice, you will find ways to manage your nerves and build your confidence.

Surround Yourself with Inspiring People

Surrounding yourself with inspiring people is crucial for your growth as a singer. Enroll in group lessons, join a choir, take private lessons or find online support groups. These settings provide a collaborative learning environment where you can receive feedback from both instructors and peers, and form bonds with fellow singers who share your passion.

I once joined a band with another singer, and I was initially afraid we would become too competitive. However, we ended up supporting each other and learning a lot together. This experience showed me the importance of having a supportive network.

Hanging out with inspiring people changes your perspective of yourself and your life. Positive and encouraging individuals can help you see your strengths and potential, even when you doubt yourself. When you are surrounded by people who uplift you, you are more likely to push through challenges and stay committed to your goals. They can provide the encouragement you need during tough times and celebrate your achievements, no matter how small.

Enrolling in Singing Lessons

Enrolling in singing lessons with a qualified teacher can provide the guidance you need to refine your technique and boost your confidence. A good teacher will offer constructive feedback and tailor exercises to address your specific needs. They can also help you set realistic goals and celebrate your achievements, no matter how small, which is crucial for maintaining motivation and confidence.

Feeling safe and supported with your teacher is vital for your vocal development. Your voice thrives in a positive, encouraging atmosphere. Overly critical or harsh feedback can hinder your progress and dampen your confidence. A good teacher provides constructive criticism and celebrates your improvements, creating a nurturing environment where you can reach your full potential.

I once had a teacher who criticized my outfit during our first session. Needless to say, he made me feel so uneasy that I never returned. This experience taught me the importance of finding a supportive and respectful teacher who fosters a comfortable learning environment.

Seek a Therapist if You Need To

Prioritize your mental health and avoid pushing yourself too far out of your comfort zone. Feeling nervous before a performance is normal, but if you experience severe panic attacks, it’s crucial to seek help from a therapist. No performance is worth compromising your mental well-being.

Additionally, if you find yourself constantly self-critical or struggling with perfectionism, consider seeking professional guidance. A therapist can provide valuable tools and strategies to help you manage these feelings and maintain a healthy mindset. Remember, taking care of your mental health is essential for long-term success and happiness in your singing journey.

Enjoyment Over Perfection

No matter how much progress you make in singing, life is not about being the best. It's about enjoying the journey. Life is short, so focus on what brings you joy. If singing makes you happy, don’t let a lack of skill or perceived talent discourage you.

Our world is already competitive enough, and people often forget to pause and appreciate the simple pleasures in life. Singing is an innate part of being human—an expression of emotion and creativity. It’s a way to connect with others and to express yourself in a uniquely personal way.

Remember, the joy of singing lies in the experience itself, not in the pursuit of perfection. Don’t let insecurities or others' opinions hold you back. Embrace the joy of singing, let it enrich your life, and share your voice with the world. You never know who you might inspire or touch with your music.

Nina Standaert
Voice Teacher Nina

How to Build Confidence and Overcome Insecurity when Singing